The Tree of Self Knowledge

In the end
You were the master gardener
Who pulled the remaining roots of
The tree of  “not good enough”
From my heart
With equal parts
Love and betrayal.

Planted by my father.
Without realizing it
You became
The reverse Eve to my Adam

Restoring my sense of divinity
By failing me.

I saw you forsake me
Despite how much you love me
The love of a whole and innocent heart
More than you ever loved anyone else.

So how can I take your betrayal personally
It was you, not me
Who exchanged authenticity for mindless duty
And in so doing lost me

And healed me.

© Jill Joy Apr – 2012 Poem Only

Note about Photo: Attribution unknown. I got this off the web. If anyone knows who the copyright belongs to please let me know and I will give it proper credit.

I AM GOOD aka They Mystery of Betrayal

Battered and Broken
I wake up to face the day
Realizing you Lied to me
Again.

You did your best
We both did
“We are simply not compatible”

Oh please.

Let’s not let that lie stand.

You are Running
From Yourself and thus Me
From the Greatest Love you will Ever have in a Lifetime.

It’s a tragedy.
And a Mystery.

Your inability to be intimate
To be response – Able
Is no reflection on Me

No point in looking into a Dirty Mirror
To See Myself
The image will never be Clear

So I look Inward
To see who I really Am
And what I see is

I AM GOOD.

© Jill Joy – June 11, 2012

Jill Joy – The Mystery of Betrayal – oil  and gold leaf on canvas – 36×60″ 2011

Yes you can.

image

OK. So have you ever noticed how the universe talks to you? I think it does it in a myriad of ways. I’m particularly attuned to it right now probably because I am in transition, taking a leap of faith from corporate Jill to Artist Jill and looking for signs because I need them. I’ll be leaving my corporate job soon, renting my too expensive condo and moving into a tiny flat and relocating my art studio to Glashaus in Barrio Logan in San Diego (aka quasi industrial, sketchy neighborhood).

I was on my way up to Encinitas, CA for an art opening yesterday at this store up there, Bliss 101. I hope to show my ocean paintings up there at some point. After driving that 26 miles North, I would head back down and see my friend Matt Devine’s opening in one of the best galleries in La Jolla, CA. So this was a night of networking and business and supporting a friend.

In the 1/2 hr drive up to Encinitas I was alternately excited and terrified about my new beginning as I am every day alternating about 1,000 times a day. I pulled off the exit and this is what I saw. It was a laugh out loud moment. Could it be the universe chatting with me?

The Thaw

The Thaw

there have been

cold Places

in my heart

 

chilly Areas

of ice

and Snow

that Froze up

long Ago

 

your Love

for me

or the Innocence

of mine

for You

 

has begun a Thaw

© Jill Joy June 2012